The day began with a peculiar crowd gathered rather excitedly in front of an open stage. Curious, Roko walked over just in time as the show began.
"Hello everyone!" A peppy princess shouted rather loudly out at the adoring crowds and cameras, "It's your favorite master of ceremonies, Raya! It's been a while but we're happy to begin this year's Corissa Dating Show!"
Roko immediately turned on his heels and began walking away rather quickly.
"This year, we're proud to welcome over 10,000 new viewers our show!"
"Boy am I glad I don't know anybody who would dare kidnap me and force me into this game!" Roko said rather loudly.
Then he disappeared around a corner.
The event continued.
"This is our fun little dating show where the winner can win...not a date...but a small kiss from our favorite pretty little princess! We'd like to thank everyone who stuck with us for the two year hiatus we had to have on this game show when Corissa went off to study with the elves. And then she was called off to a war or something? Whatever. Our viewship hit rock bottom but we kept at it with new and fun streams and found a core audience that genuinely appreciates us. That said, we welcome everyone to our game show, new and old, whenever you stay or not! Now without further ado, let's introduce YOUR favorite vavoom princess, Corissa!"
A curtain was drawn apart to reveal a pleasantly smiling Corissa who waved pleasantly to the adoring crowd that went wild at her appearance.
"So, Lady Corissa." Raya said, walking up to her casually, "Tell us, how've you been these past few days?"
"Oh, I've been good, Raya." Corissa replied, "A lot has happened since then but I'm happy to say I'm here to play this game again."
"Ah, well I'm glad you're here with us, Corissa. This IS all about you after all." Raya smiled.
"Oh I wouldn't say that."
"No, your name is in the show. No one watches unless you're here. This IS all about you after all."
An awkward bitter silence filled the room as Corissa wasn't sure how to reply to that.
"ANYWAY!" Raya cried, recovering from her own crushing envy, "For those who forgot how the show works or are tuning in for the first time, I'll tell you! Five young, eager and potentially handsome bachelors will be presented to Corissa. There used to be only three contestants but for this big revival, we wanted to go big and added two more contestants! Unfortunately, if you're a girl then I'm sorry to say but Corissa is still straight."
Raya turned away from her mic for a moment to speak to Corissa, "You still straight?"
"Still straight."
"Not even a little bi?"
"Raya please."
"Alright, alright, just teasing." Rays grinned, "These gentlemen will be hidden behind curtains and with a voice modifier so no one can identify these young men's true identities. A round of questions will begin and in the end, Corissa will choose one lucky man to receive a cute little kiss on the lips!"
"Cheek." Corissa corrected immediately.
"Aw come on, Corissa. Can't you like...help us raise the stakes a little bit?" Raya whispered barely audibly away from her mic.
"No deal, Raya." Corissa said stubbornly.
"Rip my heart out with your own cruel delicate hands why don't you, Corissa?!" Raya shouted in a dramatic manner, "Well whatever. Let's go on and reveal the bachelors!"
A curtain was pulled aside to reveal five booths also covered with curtains with the silhouette of 5 different men in each booth. With these shadows alone, Corissa could not tell if she recognized any of them or not.
"Let's begin with some introductions!" Raya continued, "Contestant 1, what do do have to say for yourself?"
"Very glad to be here, Raya. I'm the richest and most handsome man in the world so I'm confident I can win the heart of our dear Corissa today." Contestant 1 answered with a high pitched distortion to his voice.
"Okay, okay. Very confident but that's nothing new to this show." Raya nodded, "Contestant 2, how you feeling?"
"Uh, a little, um, nervous but uh, nothing compared to the battlefield. I'm not only the most powerful but the coolest knight known to mankind." Contestant 2 answered with a low pitch distortion and growing confidence.
"Very cool, very cool." Raya said, "Contestant 3, what makes you special?"
"I am uh...I like watching anime and I dabble in various hobbies like card collecting, model kit building and uh...well quite a lot really." Contestent 3 answered with a warbly distortion to his voice.
"Okay, a well learned man who can get crafty with his hands." Raya said generously, "Contestant 4? What do you have to say?"
"I am...how do you say...a masterful lover. A romance expert so skillful that I might as well be from Rome itself! I could go on...for hours." Contestant 4 answered with a thick accent that could not be hidden by the voice distorter.
"I...yeah. Thank you, Contestant 4."
"HOURS."
"Yes, thank you." Raya coughed, "Contestant 5! How do you feel about being on our game show today?"
"I want to die."
The short distorted answer left everyone stunned for a moment until Raya recovered.
"O-ooo, a nihilist edgelord? That's new for the gameshow! Alright then, enough about the boys let's hear our first question from Corissa herself!"
"Hmm...let's see..." Corissa pretended to think, "Contestants, we're not offering a date with this game but if we were to go on a date, where would you bring me?"
"We have our first question and it's a classic! Let's start with Contestant 1!"
"Only the most expensive restaurant will do! The finest steaks! The most aged of wines! The most buttery of lobsters! A band shall play a soothing tune to back our dinner! Nay, an orchestra! I shall-"
"Okay, that's enough, Contestant 1. Contestant 2, what's your answer?"
"Some may call me cheap but I actually like street stalls. The variety of food is unmatched and I know a good night market we can go to."
"Oh, cultural. I like it." Raya nodded, "Contestant 3?"
"I...I actually own (partially) a maid cafe. We can go there and be treated to a nice dining experience with some cute girls. B-But none of them are as cute as you of course! A-and...if you don't mind...you could...you know...try on a maid outfit too."
"Are you offering a date or recruiting right now?" Raya smirked, "Contestant 4, let's hear what you got."
"My house. Dim lights. Candles. Incense. A thin steak and a fine chardonnay. A rose petal bath to prepare. And then...the finest silk sheets. Goose feather pillows. We wrap ourselves together as the thick heavy blanket pushes our bodies together and-"
"OKAY, that's enough, Contestant 4! We run a strictly PG show here! Contestant 5, please give us a more normal answer."
"...I mean spinning off of the maid cafe idea, you want to go to a cat cafe?"
"Cats?!" Corissa gasped excitedly.
"Yeah, the food will probably only be alright but you get to play with cats in the meantime."
"I love cats!" Corissa squealed.
"Well it seems we have a clear winner for this round." Raya smirked, "Moving on, we'd like to introduce a new segment where we turn things around! Normally, it's just Corissa asking questions but let's be honest here, no one care about the contestants. We're all here to learn about Corissa so now the bachelors get to ask Corissa a question after every round. One question each so let's start with Contestant 1!"
"What are your three sizes?!" He asked immediately with frenzied excitement.
"Vetoed." Corissa replied with a pleasant smile.
"Oh no! I forgot to mention that Corissa reserves the right to not answer any of your questions if they're invasive or insensitive." Raya smirked, "Too bad, that was your one chance, Contestant 1! Contestant 2, what's your question?"
"Oh uh...you uh...like swords?"
"I don't really have any strong feelings about swords?" Corissa replied confused.
"Weird question but alright. Contestant 3?"
"What's your favorite anime?"
"I haven't watched a lot of anime. Raya has been doing her best to show me the classics..."
"We're on episode 272 of One Piece." Raya grinned.
"Oh yes, I've been quite enjoying that so I guess I'll just say One Piece."
"Mmm. Mmhmm." Contestant 3 nodded wisely, "I see. I look forward to teaching you, gently."
"Eh?" Corissa blinked.
"Wow okay." Raya scoffed, "Contestant 4, what's your question?"
"So...you like cats eh?" Contestant 4 said, letting out a long breath that sounded like he was smoking, "Do you perhaps...enjoy pet play?"
"Eh? What's that?" Corissa asked, genuinely confused, "I uh...like pets. Cats, dogs, bunnies, gerbils. Even exotic pets like snakes or spiders. I like to think I can get along with any animal!"
"Hmm, yes, but do you like being the pet yourself?"
"Hm? Me as a pet?" Corissa blinked, "I dunno what that means but...if you're kind to your pets then I wouldn't mind?"
"Fascinating." Contestant 4 said, releasing another long breath.
"That maybe went on longer than I would've allowed but you know, I just couldn't bring myself to stop it!" Raya chuckled, "Contestant 5, what's your question?"
"Corissa."
"Yes?"
"Are you being bullied right now?"
"Huh?" Corissa said confused again, "Bullied? I don't think I am? Wait, am I? Hold on-"
"AHEM! Moving on!" Raya said quickly, "Now it's Corissa's turn to ask a question! Corissa, I'll leave it to you then!"
"Eh? Ah, okay! Contestants, when I'm feeling sad, how will you cheer me up?"
"Contestant 1?"
"Another date! Another exquisite diner! And I won't stop there! A day, no, a week at an amusement park! Not just any amusement park! The happiest place on earth! Anything to make my darling smile again!"
"I appreciate you not naming said happiest place on earth." Raya coughed, "Contestant 2?"
"What made you sad?! Was it man, beast or establishment?! I shall not stop until I bring vengeance upon the fools who take away your smile!"
"Intense. Contestant 3?"
"What makes me happy is rewatching all of my favorite anime at 2x speed. Sometimes that's Maruto. Sometimes it's My Hero Summa Cum Laude. Right now, I think I'm in the mood for Reciprocating Saw Man. If you're up for it, that is."
"Maybe later." Raya shrugged.
"I wasn't asking you." Contestant 3 replied.
"Wow, okay dude. Contestant 4, what do you have in mind?"
The contestant took a deep breath and letting out that breath in a long sigh before answering, "Sex."
"Okay, moving on."
"In the bed."
"Uh huh, yep, I got that."
"On the counter."
"Okay, thank you, sir."
"Over the balcony."
"Contestant 5 please answer quickly!"
"Huh? Oh uh...I'm just going to name a few things and you tell me if they appeal to you."
"Okay?" Corissa said excitedly.
"Cats, cuddles and headpats?"
"I love ALL those things!" Corissa gasped.
"Okay but are you really doing anything yourself?" Raya smirked, "Sounds like the cat's doing everything."
"What do you mean?" Corissa blinked.
"Huh? I mean you're just going to cuddle and headpat the cat right? Contestant 5 isn't really doing anything. I mean, I guess he could cuddle you but-"
"Hm? Wasn't that was he was implying though?" Corissa asked, "I cuddle and pet a cat and he'll cuddle and pat me on the head!"
"Wait, you want the headpats too?" Raya said.
"Yeah! Why wouldn't I?"
…
"...Okay, time for this round's Corissa's question corner!" Raya quickly and smoothly moved on, "Contestant 1, do you have any questions?"
"What is the most expensive thing you own?" Contestant 1 asked.
"Most expensive?" Corissa thought about it for a while, "Hmmm...I can't really think of anything especially expensive that I bought. Perhaps some jewelry or something. But most of those are usually bought by my parents or just given to me… I had some expensive shopping trips but that's usually to stock up or prepare for a party or something...I don't think I use THAT much money..."
"I-I see." Contestant 1 said with a sigh of relief, "W-We can fix that."
"Huh?" Corissa blinked.
"Ignore him." Raya shook her head, "Contestant 2?"
"Aha, I'm prepared for this, this time! Corissa, what's your ideal man?"
"Vetoed." Corissa smiled.
"I don't know what you were expecting, Contestant 2." Raya smirked, "We're here today to find out what kind of man Corissa is into. Contestant 3?"
"Do you like cosplay?" Contestant 3 asked.
"Oh, Raya told me about cosplay." Corissa smiled, "I like wearing pretty dresses and clothes so I wouldn't mind putting on a costume. Actually making the costume is a bit outside my skillset right now but if I like it enough I could probably pick it up."
"Oh, I actually work as a professional cosplay maker on the side!" Contestant 3 said excitedly, "I could make the costumes for you!"
"Alright, Contestant 3, calm down for a moment." Raya said playfully, "This is MY Dress-up Bisque Doll right now. Contestant 4?"
"How long do you last in bed?"
"I..." Corissa blinked, confused again, "I sleep a full 8 hours if that's the question."
"That is NOT the question."
"Buddy, how you gonna ask how good she is at something she's never done?" Raya frowned.
"Now THAT is interesting information." Contestant 4 said with a sneer, "I'll have to confirm that at a later date."
"I feel like I said something I shouldn't have. Gonna have to check with the sponsors later." Raya gulped, "Contestant 5? Any questions before I die off screen after the show?
"Where's Varis?"
"Varis?" Corissa said, perking up, "He's just backstage. Say hi, Varis!"
Corissa turned and waved offstage. The camera did not bother to pan to show anybody backstage nor did Varis say hi to anyone.
"Alright then, I'm glad nobody cared about me dying later." Raya said with a slightly hurt chuckle, "Anyway, we're heading into the halfway point with Round 3! Only two more rounds after this!" Raya continued, "Corissa, give these men their third question please."
"Okay contestants. As a fun fact about myself, I love kids. They're so small and cute and they always play with me..."
"Corissa, snap out of it." Raya smirked as Corissa began humming happily.
"Ah! Sorry! Anyway, I'd love to have kids of my own so my question is; If we got married, how many kids would you like?"
"Please rest assured that her intentions are as pure as freshly fallen snow." Raya chuckled, "Now then, Contestant 1?"
"Uh...well...let's see, it takes maybe about 25 million gold to raise a child into adulthood...factor in my income and future promotions...the fluxing stock market trends and currently owned stocks. Minus taxes...uh...maybe...about five?"
"Ooo, five is a lot." Corissa smiled.
"That's assuming all our money went into raising those kids of course." Contestant 1 coughed, "I uhh...wouldn't mind that if that was the case though."
"Okay, that's good." Corissa nodded.
"I don't know if the monetary value is all that's needed but so long as Corissa's okay with it." Raya shrugged, "Contestant 2, what are your thoughts?"
"Oh god, I've got to be honest I can do like two. MAYBE three if it goes well but I've heard horror stories about parenthood. Not enough to deter me too much but maybe worth giving pause."
"T-That's fine." Corissa replied, "Kids take effort to raise beyond adulthood after all."
"Mmm, is it fine tho?" Raya asked teasingly, "Contestant 3, what do you think?"
"I'm not enthusiastic about kids really..." Contestant 3 said warily, "At best I will only want one kid in the house at a time. We can have another once they have left but I don't want too many children around my collectibles."
"O-Oh..." Corissa said, "I...I think I can make that work."
"These answers seem to be getting more and more disappointing." Raya nodded, "Or perhaps...more and more responsible? Contestant 4, what do you have to say?"
"If we got married, I would not be able to keep my hands off you. I would make sweet tender love to you everyday, all day if needed. Kids you ask? I will give you as many kids as you desire for as long as my desire for you burns even hotter."
"Hooray!" Corissa cried, eyes gleaming.
"A invigorating responsible for a very irresponsible answer!" Raya answered, "Contestant 5, can you do any better than 'unlimited'?"
"Zero. Zero kids."
Contestant's 5's blunt response caught everyone off guard, especially taking the wind out of Corissa's sails. Even Raya seemed a bit surprised though she recovered enough to cough and ask, "A-Any reason why in particular?"
"I just don't like kids." Contestant 5 replied, "I don't trust myself to raise one, at least not while they can't hold a conversation."
"T-That's fine!" Corissa jumped in quickly, "I can raise them until they can converse with you and then you can come in!"
"That's probably the second worst arrangement offered here."
"What's the worst?" Raya asked curiously.
"The unlimited one."
"But that one's my favorite!" Corissa yelped.
"There is something wrong with you. Please get help."
"Harsh words." Raya said stifling her laugh, "Harsh words. Not untrue though. Anyway, let's give you bachelors the chance to pick Corissa's brain a little. Contestant 1?"
"Umm...you asked us about this but I'd like to hear your thoughts. How many kids do YOU want, Corissa?"
"Me?" Corissa said perking up, "I was thinking at least 11."
"ELEVEN?!" The contestant and even the crowd shouted out in shock and horror.
"Y-Yes?" Corissa yelped, startled.
"Why stop there? Why not round up to a neat 12?" Contestant 5 scoffed.
"Are you offering?!" Corissa said excitedly.
"Please stick to the rules you two." Raya said, "Contestant 2, what do you want to ask Corissa?"
"Hey so I just want to make sure...you DO know where babies come from right?"
"The stork brings them right?" Corissa blinked.
An awkward silence filled the stage.
"How are you real?" Raya asked, "Anyway, Contestant 3?"
"Do...do..." Contestant 3 stammered, "Do you like hentai?"
"Vetoed." Corissa replied.
"No wait, you don't understand! I just need to know what tags you enjoy!"
"Vetoed." Corissa repeated.
"Nooooo~"
"I'm surprised you know what hentai even is." Contestant 5 remarked.
"Oh I showed some to her a while ago." Raya said with the funniest grin.
"You're going to die by the end of this show now that you've admitted that." Contestant 2 said.
"Oh calm down, we never even got to the spicy parts." Raya rolled her eyes, "Contestant 4, got any questions?"
"Hm. Corissa. You ARE a virgin right?"
"Yes?" Corissa said, confused until she caught herself and said with more affirmation, "Yes. I am."
"Do you have any proof?"
"I rode a unicorn!"
"Did you now?" Contestant 4 said, intrigued.
"Quite recently too!" Corissa added.
"Fascinating."
"I feel like that should've been in the list of vetoed questions but apparently not." Raya shrugged, "Contestant 5? Any questions before we move onto the next round?"
"Corissa, are you asking questions you made up yourself?" Contestant 5 asked.
"Nope. They were prepared for me by the staff." Corissa replied.
"AHEM! Contestant 5, please stop poking into our creative processes." Raya coughed, "Anyway, now we're onto the penultimate round, Round 4! Corissa give our contestants the next question."
"The one you prepared for her?" Contestant 1 said.
"Corissa, the question please!" Raya coughed again.
"O-Okay." Corissa chuckled, "Contestants, a girl can get pretty lonely at times. How often can you be home to comfort me?"
"Please note: this is a question of how many times you can be home and for how long." Raya nodded, "Contestant 1, what's your answer?"
"Oh uhhh...if you want a realistic answer then...maybe not all that often? I'm very busy with a lot of business opportunities so ideally I wouldn't want to be absent for too long...b-but if you need it, I'll drop everything for you at anytime! I-if you choose me, I'll provide everything that you need in both money and-"
"Sir, please remember that the ultimate prize for this is just a kiss." Raya smirked, "Contestant 2, what's your answer?"
"Well I work as a bodyguard so...if you employ me, I can be there for you all the time!"
"But wouldn't that mean, she's making all the money then?" Raya remarked.
"Well, I mean that's the ideal situation to answer your question. Otherwise I'll...be employed to protect...someone else..."
"...So no easy time home huh?" Raya said almost pityingly.
"I...I guess not..."
"That's okay. I'd be okay making all the money." Corissa smiled.
"T-That's a relief."
"Hmm, I dunno about that." Raya smirked, "Contestant 3? How about you?"
"I...I spend most of my time home watching anime so...we can watch anime together!"
"Oh, that's fun." Corissa smiled, "But...what about things like groceries?"
"We can order that online!"
"I dunno, I don't think I'd trust someone else to pick out my groceries." Corissa mused.
"I mean...we can go out if you want."
"Perfect!"
"I guess..." Contestant 3 muttered.
"Contestant 4...I'm almost afraid of what you have to say..." Raya said nervously.
Contestant 4 inhaled deeply as he prepared his answer.
"If you say sex I'm cutting you off." Raya warned.
Contestant 4 let out his long breath, the tension building as he finally answered, "Coitus."
"Oh you think you're so smart." Raya scowled.
"Anytime. Anywhere. So long as I lust over your body...and you, mine. That is the foundation of our relationship after all. Fair and equal love making."
"But what about money?" Corissa asked.
"You are rich are you not? Would you not use this for our family?"
…
"I am okay with this arrangement." Corissa shrugged.
"Corissa." Contestant 5 said frustratedly.
"What?!" Corissa cried, "Am I not supposed to provide for my family?!"
"Contestant 5 seems to have things he wants to say but let's hear him answer the question first." Raya smirked, "Contestant 5, what's YOUR availability like?"
"I mean I used to work at home all day so I'm pretty available I think." Contestant 5 replied.
"Okay but even if you're home all day doesn't mean anything if you're still working all the time." Raya countered.
"Well what do you want then?! You want me to just stop working just to address your needs?!"
"Yes! You don't gotta go to work, work, work, work, work, work, work. But you gotta put in work, work, work, work, work, work, work."
"WHY DO YOU KNOW THAT SONG?!"
"It's my favorite song! You'd know that if you'd watch my streams!"
"What the hell happens on your streams?!"
"Tune in next time to find out!" Raya said, smoothly turning to the camera to wink.
"This fucking clout goblin, I swear to god." Contestant 5 growled.
"That ends Corissa's question for Round 4 and now we enter Corissa's questioning for round 4! I hope everyone's still full of questions for your favorite idol! Contestant 1?"
"What's your income like?"
"Uhhh...are you asking about me personally or my country?" Corissa blinked, "Because I do personally get like 60% of all profits made using my image and identity."
"Wait, really?" Raya said, turning to look at her.
"For any unofficial, unsponsored content, yes." Corissa nodded, "It's basically either a 60% cut or we sue you for the full amount."
"We're sponsored right?" Raya's eyes narrowed.
"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't." Corissa laughed softly.
"Perfect! Alright, Contestant 2, what's your question?"
"D-Do you have any special talents?"
"Talents?" Corissa blinked, "I can cook. Is that a talent?"
"Eh, that's more like a skill." Raya shrugged.
"Nothing like that." Contestant 2 clarified, "Something fun or useful like uhhh...a photographic memory or maybe you can do mental math or something."
"Hmmmm…" Corissa thought about it for a while.
"I-It doesn't have to be a mental talent either." Contestant 2 continued, "It can be something physical like uhhh...maybe you can roll your tongue or wiggle your ears."
"Oh, I'm pretty flexible!" Corissa replied, "Check this out!"
Corissa quickly stood up and held one of her legs up in the air in a standing side split.
"See?!" She said excitedly.
"Corissa, your skirt!" Raya whispered loudly into the mic.
"Ah!" Corissa yelped and quickly let her foot back down, settling back down on her stool as she tried to ignore the wave of murmuring her performance caused.
"Magnificent." Contestant 4 said Contestant 3 took in a shuddering perverse breath.
"Contestant 3, do you have something you want to add?" Raya smirked.
"Huh?!" Oh uhhh...I uhh…" Contestant 3 said as he quickly tried to pull himself together, "Do you like waifus?"
"Huh?" Corissa blinked.
"Huh?" Contestant 3 replied, equally confused by the question he made in a distracted panic.
"Ummm...I get along with other women, if that is the question." Corissa replied cautiously, "I have a few female friends now but ummm...I admittedly don't really have a great track record with other women."
"At least not with the common women huh?" Raya nodded.
"Yeah, a lot of women are usually pretty mean to me." Corissa sniffed.
"H-How so?" Contestant 3 asked.
"Ummm...I want to be careful with what I accuse them with because outright denial usually gets twisted into further evidence for their campaigns." Corissa mused, "But I still want to make more friends so no matter what you heard about me, please feel free to approach me with an open mind! Even if some nasty rumors about me have some sort of truth to them, I'd appreciate if you helped me correct them!"
"You're saying you want to be corrected?" Contestant 4 jumped in.
"Yep! Everyone, please feel free to correct me!" Corissa grinned.
"Indeed." Contestant 4 said with an audible smirk, "You certainly deserve some correction."
"Um...If you think I do then please do!" Corissa said, still clueless.
"Contestant 4, ignoring your hijacking, I am still legally obligated to ask if you have any questions for Corissa." Raya said unenthusiastically.
Contestant 4 took what seemed to be a habitual long breath and exhale before asking, "What's your favorite position?"
"Eh? Position?" Corissa blinked, "What do you mean?"
"Oh you sweet summer child." Contestant 4 chuckled, "Just let me know if any of these sound familiar. Missionary, doggystyle, spooning, cowgirl, suspended congress, piledriver, mating pr-"
"I'm gonna stop you right there and veto this question for you." Raya cut in as Corissa continued to look on in confusion, "Let's move on. Contestant 5, do you have a question?"
"Yeah, how do you untie yourself when there's a knot tied around your hands?"
"Huh?" Raya blinked, "Contestant 5, are you alright?"
"Oh, yeah. Just figured it out. I'm good now."
"O...okay..."
"Yeah just gotta work on the feet now. Least I got my hands for this."
"...Well whatever. Final round, ladies and gentlemen!" Raya said continuing as the crowd cheered for the coming end of the ceremonies, "Corissa, give us the last question for this year!"
"Okay!" Corissa nodded, "Contestants, my final question is the most important one for today."
There was an audible gulp from 3/5 of the contestants.
"...How well do you take care of yourselves?" Corissa asked, her tone shifting to genuine concern.
"Self-care is caring for others, after all!" Raya nodded, "Let's hear a little about your lives, starting with Contestant 1!"
"I...I do pretty well." Contestant 1 shrugged, "A few late nights maybe but I get plenty of sleep and eat well everyday. Exercise...I meant I can basically choose to stay behind a desk or go on trips to expand my business whenever I want so...yeah I think I'm doing pretty well."
"Nice, nice." Raya nodded, "Contestant 2, how you doing?"
"Oh I'm the picture of health." Contestant 2 said as he tried flexing behind the curtain, "I am a chivalrous knight after all. Can't protect my charge without being in shape and all. I eat fine, I suppose but honestly, I think I'm the most fit one here. You can feel my muscles if you want."
"Eh. Maybe later." Raya smirked.
"I wasn't talking to you."
"Alright, Contestant 2." Raya scowled, "Contestant 3, give me your answer before I kick Contestant 2's ass."
"I...I'm...a little obese...maybe. I stay late sometimes to finish up an episode or...series...I eat...a little of instant ramen every...ahem, few days. B-But I have cooked and I do so...when I'm not ordering out."
"Oh honey." Corissa said pitifully.
"Man, you live like this?" Raya frowned.
"I-I can change! Trust me!"
"You'd better." Raya rolled her eyes, "Contestant 4, let's hear what it's like for you."
"Well I certainly get plenty of 'exercise' if you get what I mean."
"Yeah yeah, anything else?"
"Plenty of 'sleep' as well."
"Anything that's not an innuendo?"
"I eat well." Contestant 4 said simply, "I cook like a 5 star chef so I can seduce even your stomach."
"I-I won't lose when it comes to food!" Corissa cried.
"I'm available if you need a judge." Raya laughed, "Contestant 5, let's hear what you have to say."
"...I eat and sleep well."
"...Anything else?" Raya blinked.
"No."
"Why don't I believe you?" Corissa said, her eyes narrowing.
"I don't know why you wouldn't believe me, especially since you don't know who I am." Contestant 5 said almost mockingly.
"We sure don't." Raya said with a smile, "Anyway, we've reached the last Corissa Questioning corner so let's get this done before we get down to Corissa's Final Decision."
A wave of "ooo~"s rose from the audience as Raya asked for Contestant 1's question.
"A-Ahem." Contestant 1 coughed and cleared his throat nervously as he asked his question, "Y-You wouldn't...marry me and then divorce me a couple of months later just to take half my money would you?"
"Huh?" Corissa said, caught off guard by the question.
"It's just...I've had experiences before where I got married and it's all great for a few months before my wife suddenly demands a divorce and takes half my money."
"Oh, that's horrible." Corissa said sadly, "But I would never do that."
"LIAR!" Contestant 1 cried, "All women are the same! They act like they're into you only to pull the rug the first second you show any weakness and take half your things with them! Do you know how many days I've spent walking into the office unable to look my employees in the eyes as they talk about my fifth divorce behind my back as if I couldn't hear?! As if it's MY fault?!"
There was an awkward silence after Contestant 1's outburst as Contestant 1 sat hunched over in his stool quietly sobbing to himself.
"O...kay..." Raya nodded, "Clearly Contestant 1 has some issues to work out. How about you Contestant 2? Do you have anything to ask?"
"Huh?" Contestant 2 turned away from looking at his neighbor's booth, still a bit stunned by the outburst, "Uhhhh...well...uhhhhh….you...you wouldn't hit me would you?"
"Umm..." Corissa blinked, "What?"
"It's just...whenever I do something stupid or cringe my boss would yell at me and...and hit me so I...I just want to know if you'd do something like that to me."
"I mean..." Corissa gulped, "I-I know some girls who would do something like that and...er-well, I wouldn't do something like that personally!"
"LIAR!" Contestant 2 cried, "Even if you wouldn't physically abuse me, you'd verbally abuse me! I do something I like and you'd immediately call me cringe! You'd make fun of me and tell me I shouldn't do things anymore! I just want to be myself, is that so hard to ask?!"
Another sad silence followed Contestant 2's outburst. One that lasted a beat shorter as Raya tried to move on again, "Surprisingly sensitive soul I suppose?" Raya chuckled awkwardly, "Contestant 3, do you maybe have something more nor-"
"You wouldn't sell or throwaway my collection without asking me would you?!" Contestant 3 cried before Raya could even finish speaking.
"Huh?!" Corissa said, taken aback for the third time.
"It's just...I like collecting merch and you know...they take up room...a lot of room...and like sometimes I make shrines...and my old girlfriends...they would get fed up and try to sell my collection or just straight throw them away when it got a bit cramped without asking me so..."
"That's...awful." Corissa replied, "But I wouldn't do that."
"LIAR!" Contestant 3 cried, "All my girlfriends say they're fine with it at first but all it takes is for me to fall in love with another anime character that they don't like for them start throwing things away! To tell me I'm just wasting money! I just want to support my favorite characters! They mean so much to me! So what if I want to create a shrine to them?! Didn't you watch the same anime with me?! Weren't you touched by their journey with me?! Why are you all so two-faced cold hearted heartbreakers?!"
As the third contestant fell into a sobbing mess, the audience's sympathies were starting to wane.
"Wow, we just trauma dumping this round?" Raya frowned, "Contestant 4, surely the 'Master of Love' have something normal to add to this? Please?"
Contestant 4 took a deep breath, seemingly normal after all the previous contestant's outbursts. Until he asked his questions, "Five inches is enough right?"
"Eh?" Corissa said, confused for the fourth time.
"No, it's just...you know...we can't help with what we're born with right? Surely you wouldn't make fun of a man for how much he's packing. Even if it's a bit...average, that's more than enough to satisfy you right?"
"...I...I don't really know what you're talking ab-"
"LIAR!" Contestant 4 cried, "Even though I do everything right, everything romantic, once I get into bed, I can see, I can just SEE, the disappoint in your eyes when I reveal my most vulnerable part of myself! Even if you don't say anything I can SEE it! You women are all the same, talking about how size doesn't matter and trying to reassure me that I'm enough but I KNOW you're all just cock hungry whores who just want a big dick to satisfy them! No matter how much techniques or love I pour in, you all just want something bigger and better! Should I just get surgery?! Is that what it'll take?!"
There was an equal wave of sympathy and confusion from the crowd which may or may not be split by gender.
"Okay..." Raya sighed, "Contestant 5, I'm begging you, please have a normal question. Corissa is starting to cry over here."
"...Corissa?" Contestant 5 said.
"Yes?" Corissa sniffed.
"...You're a good kid."
"Thank you." Corissa nodded, still feeling a bit bad from all the accusations being thrown at her.
"Alright." Raya nodded, "Let's take a quick five minute ad break before we head into Final Judgment!"
"Hello and welcome back to the final part of our game show!" Raya grinned, "Unfortunately it's time to end this year's event with Corissa's final decision. Corissa, of our 5 bachelors, which one will you choose to give a little kiss to?"
"Well of course, I'd like to thank everyone here for coming." Corissa nodded, "And especially the contestants for being so brave as to participate today but of course only one may win so I hope everyone is prepared for what I have to say today."
"Well, let's hear it, Corissa." Raya said, building anticipation for the audience, "Who's the lucky bachelor that wins today?"
"My choice is...Contestant Number 5!" Corissa announced.
"Ooo, there we have it folks!" Raya grinned, "But first, let's reveal our 4 other contestants before the winner! Starting with Contestant 1!"
The curtain behind the first booth was pulled away and a gaudy prince wearing an audacious cape and excessively decorated business suit sat with a superior grin.
"Our first contestant was Prince Monny from the Stocksrise Kingdom! This handsome and rich bachelor is ranked among the top 20 richest people in the world."
"I'm sorry, Top 20?" Contestant 5 cut in.
"Y-Yeah!" Prince Monny said, slightly offended, "What about it?!"
"You were talking so much about how you could afford anything and you're not even top 10?"
"Wh-I still have enough money to do what I claim!"
"Corissa is in the top 10 richest people in the world! You're not even on the same level!"
"Oh, you say that like it's so easy! I'd like to see you get rich!"
"Are you even on the top or bottom of the top 11-20 positions?"
"Bottom." Raya reported.
"Alright, don't come crying to me when you need a loan!" Prince Monny said, turning away sullenly on his stool.
"Everyone here is rich, bud." Raya chuckled, "Contestant 2, show yourself!"
The curtain pulled away from the second booth to reveal-
"Roland, what the fuck are you doing here?" Contestant 5 said near immediately after the reveal.
"What?!" Roland protested, "I can't join a little game show?!"
"You literally hang out with Corissa all the time!"
"Oh yeah? Well what's YOUR excuse?!"
"I was kidnapped!"
"Excuses." Roland shook his head disdainfully.
"Seems like Contestant 5 knows Contestant 2." Raya teased, "I wonder who Contestant 5 is."
"Gee, I wonder." Roland rolled his eyes.
"But first is Contestant 3! Show yourself!"
The curtain for the third booth was pulled away to reveal...a normal looking otaku...dressed to the nines in Corissa merchandise.
"Contestant 3 is a veteran of conventions and concerts. S Tier lover of many hobbies, Amai Aizou!"
"Corissa!" Amai cheered excitedly, "I have a shrine to you in my room!"
"T-Thank you very much." Corissa waved back with a polite smile.
"His online handle is 'SimplySimp' by the way." Raya added.
"Bruh." Contestant 5 remarked.
"Contestant 4! Please reveal yourself in a non-sexual way!"
The curtain pulled away to reveal a tall thin man dressed in black pants and a black turtleneck smoking a cigar...looking object.
"Contestant 4 is the self proclaimed master of love who has romanced women all over the world with his charms! With over 1 million fans on Loveagram, L'ombre L'amour!"
"I'm also single." L'ombre said seductively to the crowd.
"How'd you even make it past security?" Contestant 5 said
"Mr. L'ombre is here thanks to our sponsor, Loveagram itself!" Raya announced, "Loveagram! Don't Love a gram! Love a ton!"
"I hate every word in that sentence." Contestant 5 remarked.
"And now for the moment you've all been waiting for! Production, drum roll please as we reveal the final contestant and our winner!"
Lights dimmed and the spotlights began circling as the drumroll began playing. Corissa waited in anticipation before the lights all gathered over the final booth and the curtain was drawn.
"Our winner is-"
"Roko!" Corissa cried gleefully, "I knew it!"
"Yeah, I'm sure a lot of people are shocked." Roko said sarcastically.
"Before people claim this is rigged so Corissa will always pick her friend...Roland is also her friend." Raya said.
"By virtue of there being no better words to describe their relationship, yes." Roko sighed.
"Well...I suppose it's time." Raya sighed, "Time for Corissa to go and give Roko a kiss."
"On the lips right?!" Corissa said excitedly.
"Huh? No, you said-"
"I know what I said." Corissa insisted, "On the lips right?"
"Oh uhh..." Raya blinked, "Well, yeah sure. Go ahead."
"Hooray! Come here Roko!"
"Dammit, I have no choice." Roko scowled as he stood up as Corissa began running towards him, "Corissa! What would your daughters think if they saw you now?!"
"Hyafuuun!" Corissa's head suddenly whipped back as if she was shot and she collapsed on the ground.
"C-Corissa?!" Raya yelped.
"Uuuu...Aida...Aranea..." Corissa sniffed.
"Now's my chance to escape!" Roko said as he ran off.
"Huh?! What?!" Raya cried as the stage descended into utter confusion, "Uhh...that's it for the show I guess! Stick around to hear a few opinions from the crowd!"
And with that the curtains closed on today's live stream.
Testimonials:
"Hm? Oh yeah, it was fun to watch. Glad we uh...sponsored the winning contestant and everything. But if you'll excuse me, I have to go and kick Contestant 2's ass now." -H. from Aporia
"I dunno what Contestant 5 was talking about. I ship my mom with my dad." -A. from Memoria Auspice
"Come check out Aida's Woodshop for some handmade and homely statu-" -E. from Arbrea
"Wh-stop that!" -A. from Memoria Auspice
"Yes yes, we're so glad this year's show went so well and we'll be happy to sponsor you all again next year. But more importantly, what's this we hear about 'daughters'? Plural?" -K. and Q. from Cordis.