My heart burns internally, my nerves getting the best of me as sweat beams down my warm cedar forehead.
Thoughts mimicking a witch's cauldron as they spin from the feeling of nausea, I feel sick, and it is aggravating. Absolutely horrifying to experience at all, but more nerve-wracking in front of the company.
I try to breathe, but the air feels like it's being sucked in, and I can't help but slightly shake. I was fine before, but now I feel suffocated.
This room is so huge, yet it feels so small. Which is ironic because I remember a time when this space felt like a castle ballroom. The ceilings high, and the floor was magic as I felt like a princess in her own little corner. It was just me and ballet shoes against the echo of my thoughts as I spun like a spinning wheel, threads dancing across the board. Elegant like a swan amongst a flock, as I dip to bow, my imaginary audience clapping when I raise, a smile on my face as big as the sun.
Those were the times when I thought happiness really existed in my mind, but now, the reality of this marble floor hits me. It's no longer magic, and I am not a princess in her own little existence.
It's just the Bellums and me.
"Magnolia."
I turn to Bertram and see he's offering his hand, and I blink back, turning away, "I'm okay, I was just-"
"Lost in thought again?" Lady. Bellum added, "For being the heir of a huge empire, you sure tend to daydream a lot."
Bertram swallows dryly, "That is okay, I daydream from time to time." Lady. Bellum slightly hits him, "I hope not, you have other things to preoccupy yourself with than daydreaming." She scoffs, "Really, I'm appalled by you even suggesting the very idea, brother."
I turn back to him, and he rolls his eyes at his sister, giving me a small wave, "I will not daydream very often, then, sister."
"Not at all if it is possible."
She stands up and props her hands on her hips, "So, I assume you practice ballet here still, Lady. Victoria?"
"I do, yes."
"Have you ever performed in front of a crowd?"
My lip pulls back, and I tilt my head to the side, leaning my back on the wall, "Not particularly, at least not for people I don't know. Why?"
"Just curious, I had done ballet before and performed for the town's theater, it was in the papers."
"Years ago", mumbled Bertram, and I smiled at the comment as Lady. Bellum's eye twitched.
"Brother, don't forget we are on the same side, don't forget your place." She stated, with a slightly pitched tone.
"No, I wasn't trying to insult, sister, I only mean that it has been many years since you performed at the town's theater."
Bellum threw her arms up dramatically, "Well, of course it has, I was younger then, and it was merely charity for the people. With a status like ours, it would be silly to perform with people of low class all the time; they might forget themselves."
"Forget themselves?"
She turned to me with a laugh, "Of course, you of all people know, Lady. Victoria, the common people are not in the same class as us. If we were to forget that they might lose their minds, they need us to look up to. To have something to strive for, even if they never reach the level that we're on."
I open my mouth to detest, but I am not sure what to say. I don't necessarily agree, but all my life it has been that way. Even my mother would agree with her comment, so how could I detest something that I don't even know how to defend?
I stay quiet until Bertram stands to his feet, "Sister, why I would usually agree with you, don't you think it is the same if our shoes were swapped?"
"Pardon?"
He clears his throat, "We were born into this station, but it could have always been different for us. Just imagine the everyday person you're dismissing, talking about us. Heck, if it wasn't for the very well-positioned part of our parents and our ancestors coming into fortune, then we might have been born in a very different life. Difficult to imagine, but the truth is to say so."
Lady. Bellum clicked her tongue and frowned, folding her arms with a little tap to her sharp heel. It seemed like she wanted to say something, but couldn't seem to form it into words.
I stood up myself, placing my arms to the side and finally facing Bertram, "I think that is an interesting view, on a what-if scenario. Do you think your life would have changed drastically not having what you have now?"
He stepped closer to me with a laugh, brushing a side of his deep curly hair to the side, "I believe so, but mostly it would be nice to not feel watched all the time. Like you have to be perfect, you know?"
I didn't respond directly to his question, but I already knew the answer in my head; he's right. It would be nice not to have eyes on you, to be free in a sort of way from public scrutiny, well, my mother's scrutiny.
Maybe if we were more like the common people, she wouldn't have to worry about me, and she could even be happy. I could talk with Rene' without having to worry about saying too much, and maybe I could make real friends, like Charles. I could have as much fun as I want, whatever that may entail. Maybe even find a new hobby or dance for the town without worrying about who I am or who's watching.
It would be a new experience for sure, but of course, every role comes with its own set of challenges. I might not have even met Rene' or Charles if I were a common person, plus what would I be doing in that case? Could my mother even protect me from what I would face?