"Where am I?"
Everything's white and bland looking. Am I in heaven? There's not a sense of smell or taste and there's no sound just quiet.
"CUNT!"
Well now we know there's not an echo either, what is this place?
"This is the place you would call after-life."
"And is a there a need to call me a cunt when we've not even said anything to each other yet?"
I turn around to see an old looking man with a white robe floating in mid air cross legged. Of course he has to be floating too. Acting like standing was too much for him.
"I'll stand on the ground if you want me to, you don't have to be so mean about it."
Of course he can read my mind too, the most predictable thing he could've done.
"Come on catch me some slack, do you think it's easy to talk to every being that dies? And you still haven't apologized calling me being a cunt."
"Ok, I'm sorry about calling you a cunt, are you a god or something?"
"A god huh? I guess you could call me that."
"So what's going to happen to me? Am I just gonna be stuck here for the rest of eternity and listen to your dumbass speak all the time?"
"I must say you are very courageous calling a god a cunt and a dumbass."
"However you should be happy I'm not easily offended."
"How did I even die? Did someone drive over me with a truck like all the mangas and anime's I've watched?"
"No you died because you thought it was a good idea to take FIFTEEN penis enlargement pills"
"Oh, did I overdose on enlargement pills?"
"DiD I oVeRdOse oN EnLaRgEmEnt PiLls? Headass.
Of course you overdosed, you took 15 pills. The recommended intake is one pill a week."
"And about what's going to happen to you, you'll reincarnate into a world of magic and stuff like that."
Are you for real? I'm gonna be reincarnated and into a world of magic too? How predictable is this?
"Since the chance of getting of reincarnation is one in one hundred million, you get 3 wishes that I'll personally make happen."
"Of course they can't be stuff like "I wish to get unlimited wishes" or "I wish to become a god" and stuff like that."
"The wishes thing was probably the most unpredictable thing in our entire conversation so far, do you understand how sad that is?"
"Shut up and concentrate on your wishes already."
"Ok... my first wish is to keep my memories from my past life."
I know it's a predictable wish but it's also the most helpful wish. I also really wanna be able to have my knowledge from my past life so it wasn't all for nothing.
"Oh, that's already guaranteed and you don't need to wish for that. So you still have three wishes."
"Ok since that's the case I wanna be able to listen to songs from my past life through magic"
"Why don't you wish for a phone and a pair of headphones? then you'd be able to search the internet and keep up with your past worlds current state."
"Because that's already been done before so I can't do that now... fuck you Patora Fuyuhara for coming up with an idea before I could think of it."
"Ok... you have 2 more wishes"
"Just give me outstanding talent I guess."
"Sure and what's your last wish?"
"Hmm, idk you think of one I can't be bothered to."
"So you're gonna make me give you a wish that I thought of?"
"Exactly."
"You know I could pick something utterly useless to you right?"
"Yeah I know, I'd be fine with that."
This Telas guy seems interesting... not only does his willpower rival gods but his courage and intelligence is also off the charts. I have high expectations of you young man...
"I'll use your wish to give you the power to speak to every living organism. How about that?"
"Huh... I didn't think you'd actually give me something decently useful old man."
"You know this old man here has been through a lot so ofcour- Wait did you call me an old man? I'll have you know I'm only 54 years old! 54 is still young you know!!"
"People that say 54 is still young eats cereal with a fork."
"And you overdosed on penis enlargement pills because of your insecurity but I didn't say anything did I?"
"Anyway I'll reincarnate you into a five year old boy from a random family in a random country. So whatever happens know it's not my fault."
"I'll see you in the next life old geezer."
"In the next life you better not call me an old geezer, or I'll make sure your afterlife will be hell!"
"Ok, I'll see you in the afterlife old man!"